To Stella: On her 5th Birthday

Hey Kiddo!   I love you.  You know that right?  I love you for being you.  We've had this conversation alot lately and I just want to make sure you know.  Tonight when I tucked you in, I told you I was proud of you.  And I am.  You asked me why.  These are some of the reasons.  I am proud of you when you are kind, to your brother and to your friends.  I am proud of you when you do right.  I am proud of you when you choose to love God.  I am proud of you because you are compassionate.

I love you, too.  I love you for all the reasons I am proud of you, plus some.  I love you, most of all for being You!  You  are funny and smart.  You try hard, you love hard.  You have high highs and low lows.  You use words that make adults laugh. You say things like "well, as you know..." and "was there bad traffic?" and all sorts of other, very grown-up sounding words and phrases. 

You make me laugh all the time. I can't wait to see what this year holds for you! 

Love you, Girlfriend!

Mommy

Some quotes from One Thousand Gifts  that make me think or say AMEN!

"Rejecting joy to stand in solidarity with the suffering doesn't rescue the suffering.  The converse does. The brave who focus on all things good and all things beautiful and all things true, even in the small, who give thanks for it and discover joy even in the here and now, they are the change agents who bring fullest Light to all the world."

Wow, that grabbed me.  To help the suffering I need to choose joy? To help the suffering I need to be truth and grace and light.  Well now.  I need not choose suffering, to make a change.  Isn't that what Paul says in Phillippians 4:4-8?  Choose Joy.  How do I choose joy?  By focusing on the good, right, true, noble, pure.  Which when you boil it down... is God.

"That life is so urgent it necessitates living slow."

This is easier said than done.  It also seems contradictory.  But the point is you need to slow down, and pay attention to the details of life because that is where thanksgiving and joy are found.

" It is suffering that has the realest possibility to bear down and deliver grace."

Mmm, thought provoking.  This is beautiful and frightening.  I need to think about this one more and what that really means in my life.


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Choosing Joy

Have you read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp yet?  You totally should.  This post is about the book, and the thoughts it is triggering in me.  It's "part 1" because I'm only halfway through the book, and a review-ish will be happening on my other blog when I'm done.  But for now, I want to write these things here.

I love this book.  It makes me think.  She writes in a way that I can not.  She uses words beautifully.  But she uses more than I would.  The descriptions are distinct and it makes me feel like I am entering her world, which is very different from my own.  I had a hard time getting through the first chapter.  I really had to get used to the way she writes, because it is so different, but once I wrapped my brain around her writing, I really have enjoyed the book.

I told my mom, who has read it, twice, that I am torn between scarfing it down, or forcing myself to slow down and savor the writing and ideas.  Now, perhaps what someone else takes from this book will be slightly different from my reading, but for me, her decision to look for gifts and a focus on thankfulness translates in my brain and life to focusing on joy.

I have started to look for gifts, started my own list.  I'm not very far, and it's a hard discipline to develop, but it's good.  The gifts I'm finding are truly the thins that make me pause and smile.  And sometimes that make me smile in my heart, not just my face.  Things like midnight cuddles.  I'm not so happy about it in the moment, but the joy that I get from snuggling and comforting a sleepy, frightened child... that's joy.

Somethings are simple, lightening bugs on summer nights, children laughing together, the kids "reading" to each other.  Those are the easier ones to see.

I have learned that when you choose to focus on joy you have joy.  This intentionality, it makes the difference.  I am, by nature, an optimist, a romantic, I am always looking for the silver lining.  But when I intentionally focus on joy, it's different.

My senior year of college I was a Resident Assistant.  My partner and I chose Joy to be our hall's theme  for the year.  I believe that was the best decision we made that year.  By all accounts it should have been a very difficult year.  We had some theft problems, a "flood" on the 3rd floor out of a clogged toilet (YUCK!), and several other things that were going on that should have made us both frantic, stressed out maniacs who were sorry we had ever signed up for this job.  But we were focusing on joy.  That was probably the best year of my college experience.  I was not focused on the problems surrounding me, but the God who was big enough to handle them.  I wasn't worried about the things that should not have been happening, but on the joy of living aware that these are not defining incidents in my life.

All that to say that choosing joy, and thankfulness, and peace, which are all tied up together in my mind, makes life different.  It is this choosing joy that makes us stand out in a crowd.  Is it choosing joy that makes us holy?


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Things that make a Mama happy

This morning Stella came in my room, sat down on my bed with her bible and said  "Lesson 31. Your God's in the heavens, The strength of God, the power of Jesus, and the goodness of the Holy Spirit."  I love that that is how she thinks and what she knows. 

A letter to Bruce on His 2nd Birthday

Dear Bruce,

Yesterday you turned 2. I cannot believe how fast it went.

 You are the sweetest boy I know.  You love to play with balls.  And Trucks.  You want to do EVERYTHING your sister does.  She's usually a good sport. You love to wear hats.  And play in the dirt and be outside. You are blonde and blue eyed and dimpled. You melt my heart with your smile.  And pierce my ears with your screams :)  I love you more than you will ever know.  You are dramatic, and curious, and HATE the word no.  You make us wonder always what you will grow up to be.  The thoughts we have now lean toward working with your hands, maybe engineering, or a mechanic.   You love to inspect things and figure them out.  You are helpful, and usually kind.  You like to "fight" with daddy and cuddle with mommy, and read with anyone who will! You are quiet and observant.  You still chew on puppy's ears and tail.  He smells terrible, you don't care.

This spring I did a lesson with some moms and it was about loving your children.  They asked us if we could come up with one thing, that one thing that we loved most about each of our children.  That's tough!  I love all those things about you that I've already said.  Daddy and I talked about it and we each love different things about you most!  For Daddy, it's your inquisitiveness, that curiousness and thirst for knowledge that makes you look under the hood of Scottie and Nathan's Powerwheels car to see what makes it go.  For me it's your love.  You love deeply and cuddle hard.  You still cuddle with me, at an age when Stella had given much of it up!  I like to wrap you up and snuggle you close and feel you relax into me and let me smell your head.

I love you Buck-man!

Smartness

Yesterday I had this text conversation with a friend who had taught the craft at VBS on Monday (Day 1).

M: Stella last night after I complimented her coloring skills "Thanks! I color so well because I have ALOT of smartness" !!  Typical little homeschooler!!! Haha!!!

Me: Oh Dear.

She's a trip that one.  It's a good thing she's cute, and It's a good thing my friend is A: a good friend, B: also a homeschooler, and C: good humored!

Visiting with family

One of my favorite things about our trip to Florida was that we got to see lots of Sid's family.  I know in recent posts I mentioned his brother, Adam, and of course his Mom (Grandma), and Diane (Nonna).  As well as his dad, Bruce.  We also got to see his grandfather on this trip (Papa Bud).

I love to see family, especially with my kids.  I love for them to know that they have a whole, big family that loves them.  There is so much security in that for them.  I know it breaks Sid's heart that we don't see his family more.

This was the first time we have seen Adam and Papa Bud in over two years.  It was really good to see them.  I loved watching Adam with the kids.  He loved them.  He really seemed to enjoy his role as Uncle Adam and let them get away with things!   

Fort Clinch State Park

One Monday while we were visiting Grandma we decided to go to the beach.  I love the beach.  Love. It. Anyway, Sid's brother Adam was home on leave and he came along with us.  It was quite the family affair.  We went to Fort Clinch State Park, which, Surprise, has a fort.  It's an unfinished Civil War era brick fort.  We decided to check out the fort before we hit the beach.  It's pretty neat.

This shows half the depth of the walls!

Adam teaching Sid something.

Then we went down to the beach. We had lunch, and walked up and down the shoreline in the surf, looking for cool shells and shark teeth.  My kids had a blast, and so did the adults.  

Bruce hitched a ride from daddy.

A trip to the zoo

While we were in Florida we went to the Jacksonville Zoo. We had a very good time. We saw some animals, went into the butterfly exhibit and got to touch some sting rays. That was Grandma's favorite part. They also have a large play area for the kids which was quite enjoyable. Stella's favorite part was the train ride. No surprise from my cranky girl. We *may*!have had the kids out a little too late the night before. We also ran into Sid's cousin Tory and her two adorable kids. We didn't spend much time with them, but it was good to see them. 

Taking Karate

Going to Karate is kind of a "given" when we visit Florida, where Sid's Mom lives.  My husband is a 2nd degree black belt in shotokan karate.  His dad's got his 4th degree.  We named our son for Sid's dad, his sensei.   So, one of the things we do here is Karate.  4 nights a week, Sid is there for 3 hours (give or take).  My kids love it, too! But we only spend an hour or so at the dojo.  Papa Bruce loves it when we're there.  He loves my husband, loves my kids.  He can't wait to get the chance to teach them some karate, and he puts a belt on them every time. 

This trip Stella loves to go and wear her belt, her karate "uniform" which consists of a pair of white pants and a tshirt or tank top, and when we get there... head gear for sparring.  But, she's not so interested in participating in class.  Bruce loves the sparring gear too.  And his belt.  He's a little too little to still participate, but he's watching.  He is loving to drop into a straddle leg stance and throw an excellent punch.  His dad's loving it! 

Last night we went a little early so Sid could help a friend go over a kata for a tournament.  I love to watch Sid when he's there.  He's in a whole different world.  

  Papa Bruce tying a belt on Buck

Papa Bruce tying a belt on Stella

Dustin, Sid, Bruce, Checking out a kata.

Sid, Dustin, Bruce, practicing the kata.

My kids in head gear

Sid and Bruce